On Purpose - 2019 in Review

Another year passes so quickly. I have always been searching for the right framework to live and the picture seems slightly clearer this year. Previous posts have always been on stuff done and learning. I think i have enough to now take a step back and frame all the stuff. See if it makes sense and is useful to you.

Life is about having purpose. Purpose creates motivation and challenge which generates plans, execution and hopefully reward. It also acts as a time allocation device. Goals are what we set to achieve our purpose. One can have multiple purposes though it’s best to keep it to a few at best. Purposes can change after many years.

Life is also about pleasure or fun. Pleasure can be physical, mental or spiritual.  Exercise, beauty, learning new stuff, travel, eating etc.

Life needs connections with others. Can be family, friends, fellow workers, volunteers even animals etc. the mental need for social interaction should not be underestimated.

Life is about balance. The trick is to exist at the dynamic moving intersection of all the above and be happy with the current state and future trajectory state. This requires me to cultivate gratitude and contentment to handle the inevitable tension and trade offs between various purposes.

And what of happiness? Happiness happens easily when above is achieved. However, personally for me,  the issue of focus and the problem of drifting and feeling like a bystander is still there because this more multi-faceted life is still in vast contrast to the obsessive single purpose life I had previously in JobsCentral. Ning says it best when she remarked about how life was simpler but when we only just wanted JobsCentral to succeed.

So bearing above in mind, here goes:

Purpose 1 - help and be there for family. Extend to friends if i can.

Purpose 2 - be as healthy as I can

Purpose 3 - Be a good custodian of wealth. help grow startup ecosystem as angel investor.  Contribute to broader society as volunteer.

From the above, I generate goals and results as posted before. Below is an update.

Purpose 1 :  Good relations with Family & Friend & contribute to their lives

Goals: High level of family/wife/friend time. Share more learnings with kids.

2nd son had O levels. Very proud of the way he studied hard without much pressure from us. Our boys are a major focus for Ning & I. Number 3 also did well and seems to have matured. Likewise number 1 and 4 are growing up nicely. Perhaps a little too quickly for number 4. Goal is to bring up well adjusted, contributing and happy people.

Celebrated wedding 18 years anniversary. Love wife very much. Dad still going strong and traveled with us to Taiwan for 20 days. He also went to South America for almost 4 weeks with my sister earlier in the year! Still miss my mum and think of her every few days.

A very old friend of mine finally found a life partner and got married in 2018. This year became a father. Its actually hard to keep in touch with old friends and it requires a special effort to always organize group dinners. Still, my experience is that its worth it each time.

Purpose 2  : Be Healthy Mind and Body

GOALS: Keep lean, weight below 70kg. Pick up more outdoor sport. Control mood even better through exercise and mindfulness.

Body - improved with cholesterol dropping a bit. Weight maintained at 68-70kg range. Health screen all clear. 5-6 times exercise per week.

Mind- mentally up and down but not too dramatic. Regular contemplation of death helps keep perspective and having Gratitude. Mindfulness keeps my attention on right things. Boredom and bystander issue is still there.

Traveled 72 days. Less than last few years 80-90 days but it’s due to our commitment to stay at home for the various kids exams.

Purpose 3 :Portfolio mgmt & Work role in Society

Goals: min 6% long term annual growth on net worth.  hit 100 startups for angel investment doing well as a portfolio. Quality volunteer in any such work I take up.

Portfolio Work

Portfolio YTD gains of 17%. Tracking the 6+% annualized since 2011. Big mistake on baidu + overallocation to value funds + 1H delevering so took some money off a little early. Big wins on sea, fb, alibaba and shinvest help us to at least match index.

Still in progress to switch to even more etf index investing. Can’t significantly beat index so might as well don’t try. We also want to be more disciplined in giving. Will have more discussion with Ning on this. 

Startup Work 

Angel side very active. I think because we now see so many deals, we actually hit our upper limit and did 6 new investments. Also had 3 big up rounds from previous startups. Almost all grew by revenue. 30 startups now. Thats 30% of the way to the 100 startup goal. Portfolio doing well  if mark to market.

AngelCentral side ramp up a lot. 130 paying members and we ran angel education workshops for easily 200+ more. Also spent lots of time vetting and meeting the 700 startups that register with us.

Volunteer Work

Still volunteering with ITE, PEP, SWCDC. This year a bit less time due to AngelCentral but the education related projects are still very meaningful to me. Of note, spent 4-5 sessions on an  ITE project. It is a highlight as it involved helping plan continuous education pathways which is something I firmly believe in. 

So for next year, should be continuation of the same and reminder to self to focus on 

Purpose, Fun, Balance & Gratitude.

Year end update : So how is semi retirement after 2.5 years?

This is a slightly indulgent article. Not much to do with entrepreneurship or startups, so bear with me or just skip this entry! It will be relevant if you are thinking of purpose in life or if you have recently retired. I am writing because I do get a lot of curious comments from all walks of life when they hear that i sort of retired at 38+.

Its been slightly more than 2.5 years since I stopped full time work. Last update was done 1 year into retirement. Many people assume retirement when young is all fun and games but actually having no structure in life and no over riding purpose can be difficult. I can be both busy and restless, bored at same time.

Quick summary of what happened since official no work status to give context since June 2014 :

1) Mum passed away in oct 2014 after a brief but painful 4 mth battle with lung cancer.

2) Baby #4 came along in June 2014 and he is so precious and cute.

3) 2 older kids entered teenagehood and secondary school. 3rd one entered primary.

4) Started a business Doctor Wealth using chairman model which failed due to mgmt issues and had to be given a new lease of life via some corporate development work.

5) Between Ning and me, we invested in 8 more private startups (iMoney, metro residences, Worq, aldoktor are public knowledge) and 5 VC in the region.

6) Volunteered for the Committee of the Future Economy, ACE and 2 other govt boards. Started ACE peer sharing groups for startup founders which has helped over 35 startups.

7) Launched a crowdfunding platform for Swcdc. Mixed success in terms of scaling up but still running. So far projects have raised some 40-50k in total.

8) Got healthy. 6 day a week Yoga, weights and jogging routine. Traveled a fair bit but no where near what I would like to or to the places I want to. About 60-70days a year.

9) Built an entire balanced type portfolio over the years and implemented decision making, tracking and benchmarking processes. Met target of beating private bank discretionary portfolios and index benchmark.

10) Created and trained singapores first angel Investing workshop in 2016. So far only 25 pax trained but will do more next year.

I lead what I call a balanced portfolio life nowadays. The logic behind it is that while obsessive and crazy focus is needed to achieve first success in business, it is not exactly great for ones spiritual, mental or physical health. It also frequently leaves family members and loved ones shortchanged of attention and love.

So nowadays I spend around 20% of time on exercise and leisure stuff (reading, tv, gaming etc), 20% on volunteer work, 30% on family activities, 20% on portfolio and finances and last 10% on angel investing related. Each of these activities have specific goals linked to a purpose or reason for why I do them.

Eg. Portfolio is to return min 5% annualized with fund mgmt standard vol and sharpe ratios. Angel and volunteer is to impact fellow entrepreneurs and build a culture of entrepreneurship in sg in my own small way.

Some key observations:

Personal related

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1) Losing a parent is very painful. I think of my mum every few days and it truly is a permanent gap in my heart. So if you are lucky enough to have both parents around still. The best sharing I can give is to spend as much time doing stuff with them as possible. 

2) Kids grow up real fast and are loads of fun. Have more of them if you can afford it in terms of time, attention and resources. We have 4 children and without a full time work focus, children, wife and rest of family are the main purpose that drives me.

3) Being present and aware of life as it happens is very fulfilling. In business, we are always projecting into the future. Now I try to focus on the present. Really listen and look at what is before me. A side effect is that I notice more about people and I hope in time to be the sort of person people like having around. Not to get their approval but because life is more fun when others are comfortable around you and share their stories! Being aware also means we become more understanding of others and that most people are just trying. So patience gets developed a bit more.

4) Learning still matters perhaps more so than ever. Since learning new stuff is the reward once payment is taken out of the equation. The other driver is being useful which I cover below. Big stuff I learned about include portfolio thinking, board roles, angel investing and about myself and people in general.

5) Undergone some major personality and health change. Both are connected. I am far less competitive though I can still be triggered to the old mode if I suddenly meet a whole bunch of alpha super successful males. How I overcome this is to remind myself that in the end it's all the same. See learning (1). So if I am lucky enough to get out of the competition while relatively young, why continue? For recognition? For the net worth scoreline? To buy more stuff? This diminished desire to win others coupled with a lot of exercise and nutritious food has resulted in a  healthier me. Sleep much better and smile more and feel more at peace.

Work & Portfolio  related

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1) Being useful works. This is my criteria for doing the volunteer and angel work. I try to do stuff that plays to my strengths. But I must admit it is hard to be satisfyingly  useful when one is only occupying an investor or board member role since they are not operational.. My philosophy is that  I say exactly what I think that could be constructive to listener . And those who want to hear more, I am always happy to help further. In terms of being paid, it is strange to suddenly not get paid for all the work I do. But I try to see it as giving back. 

2) Being open is something new I am trying. . Last year I was laser focused on angel and startup work. This year I tried being open to anything. It's a work in progress as all the knowledge and skills I have are tech and startup related. So people tend to pigeonhole me there. But joining some government boards and committees has been intellectually interesting and makes me feel I am doing something useful. Though I must say I am not used to the much more slower pace compared to startups due to the size of the issues and organizations we deal with. I am also hoping to go beyond all this corporate and business type areas. 

3) Portfolio mgmt.   It is a full time thing to do it well. Need to research a lot which fits me since I like to read and pay attention to numbers.. Attitude and psychology matters a lot. Attitude meaning we need to admit we are rookies and so have to learn almost everything from scratch. So far so good and I like the stretch and challenge as the thinking is almost opposite from what an "all-in" first time  entrepreneur needs to do. There is also a lot of tracking involved to know how I am doing.  Honestly, I think few entrepreneurs should do this activity diy  as the traits needed are quite at odds with what make them succeed.

4) Startup investing via angel and Vc investing is quite fun. I learned a lot in terms of how to assess, how to handle post investment and am now waiting to see if all the effort will pay off. Unlike stocks and bonds, this activity is more long term. But I am optimistic it will do the best. This activity is most fun as I also contribute a little in helping the startup in terms of mentality and strategy. The best sort of work is one where you put in time and money and it all works out! I think this is a must do for most entrepreners who have made enough money.

Next year, my goal is to continue what I now do and be open to what life will bring. It may mean full time work in the form of starting a new business, it may not. But I want to make sure I continue adding value to people and organizations around me and also be present for all my loved ones!

My main learning point from Mr Lee Kuan Yew

I feel much sadder than I thought I would at the demise of Singapore's founding father Mr Lee Kuan Yew. I must have shed tears at least 5-6 times in the last few days as I read his speeches and see his life pictures. Not the type of tears one sheds for a loved family member, but tears shed because his was a life worth living and I feel a great sadness that such a well lived meaningful life has to end just like any other life. And as I reflect on what Mr Lee Kuan Yew represents to me, I realize what I learn most from him is that it is possible to dedicate an entire life to a single greater purpose and have no regrets at the end of it.

Mr Lee Kuan Yew was clearly extremely intelligent and eloquent. He also was a natural leader, knowing when to play nice and when to be tough. But there are many other people in the world who are extremely intelligent and who are strong leaders. It is a genetic lottery and there is not much to respect or learn from that. Mr Lee himself believes that over 70% of a person's ability is determined at birth. I totally agree.

What sets aside Mr Lee is his amazing strength of will and alignment of his entire life to the idea of a strong Singapore. The closest approximation to this I have experienced is the way a good entrepreneur sacrifices and obsesses over their business. But we entrepreneurs do this because we own the company and so we tap into our base human nature to love what we possess to drive our obsession.  But Mr Lee is too smart to not know that he does not truly own Singapore but still he consistently chose to subordinate his life towards what he felt was best for Singapore.

And reading all his books and looking at his home and pictures, I can honestly say I don't believe he did it for any monetary reward or creature comfort. His sense of purpose and benchmark for personal achievement is the Singapore story. That explains his now famous quote about giving up his life for Singapore. He had so many chances to take it easy but he never did it. It could be because he has aligned himself so much, he cannot let go even if he wanted to!

So it all boils down to this. That this super intelligent, thoughtful, eloquent, happily married individual can at the end of his life, reflect and say that his life of conviction and service to Singapore is a life worth living and which he has no regrets. This is very unique viewpoint as most people at the end of their lives don't reflect on business or politics but instead wish they travelled more or spent more time with family.

Mr Lee Kuan Yew has shown another path for those who seek purpose in life. It tells me that it is possible for a highly talented man to devote his entire life and talents to a greater non monetary good and be engaged throughout with it as it grows and evolves. And at the end of that life, have no or little regrets.

So how is early retirement at 38?

This is a rather personal post and I need to qualify that all I am writing is from the perspective of someone who has just stopped working for 7 months after 14 years of entrepreneurship. I may feel very differently if it is after 2 years.

And the reason i am sharing is that many people i meet seem to have a glorified ideal of semi/retirement. Also, i realize many entrepreneurs and working professionals seek financial freedom as a key goal in working life. So i want to share how it has been so far and hopefully it will help fellow entrepreneurs get another perspective of life after exit. This will help them in decision making and planning.

Some background is that I have 4 kids, aged 12, 11, 6 and 0.5. I have about 3 key takeaways so far :

1) It is possible to stay reasonably busy but feel less fulfilled.

My days are quite busy. About 50-60% of time on kids and family stuff, 20% on various work items (portfolio mgmt., meeting potential companies for angel investment, volunteer work with SWCDC and ACE etc), 10% on exercise and remainder on leisure activities ( I managed to catch up Walking Dead and 100!). On average, i have 2-3 meetings weekly with potential investee companies or with currently invested companies or for volunteer related work.

After these last 7 months, I feel all this is less fulfilling when combined compared to running a full time business on top of them. Two key differences. First is that I am far less busy and everything is more touch and go rather than digging in and being intimately involved. There is no bone for my mind to chew on daily. Portfolio management has sort of replaced this since i can obsessively track gains and losses and there is an endless amount of analysis to read and learn. But it is not as fun. Second, there is a lack of buzz or excitement that comes from working with a regular team and aiming for a common goal. I used to work in an office with 100 people and interact with at least 10-20 daily. Now it is much lesser and we are frequently not on the same team.

What I do enjoy is working with startups whether as an investor, director or just sharing experiences over coffee with driven coachable entrepreneurs. Currently, I spend most time and effort on DrWealth which has just raised a S$800K seed round and things are getting exciting there. I have also formed regular forums under ACE to help tech startups learn from each other.

2) More time = healthier physically and mentally.

This is a big one for me and is one of two reason why I am not rushing back into business. While running the business, I was perpetually stressed out both mentally and physically. I had a permanent stress cough, bad sinus problems and had difficulty switching off at night. So much so, I would think of financials even while in the toilet! All that changed in the last 7 months. I sleep much better, have spent enough time in the gym, have fallen sick only 2-3 times (used to be almost monthly or bimonthly) and find myself more patient with people. In fact, my cholesterol level has dropped by almost 40 points into normal range despite little change in diet.

3) More time = Present for Loved Ones & People

The second reason I am not rushing back is that having time for my kids and loved ones is fantastic. Throughout my last 14 years of work, I have always tried to spend time weekly with my parents, have daily dinners with kids and generally be there as they grow up. But truth be told, I was obsessed with the business and competing much of the time even while I was with them. Now I find that I am far more present for them. I know and feel alongside their first day of school, their first taste of porridge, and even first PSLE! And this being present extends to friends and people I meet. I find myself far more patient and willing to listen and see things from their point of view. This is great because it helps me control my competitive nature and I believe makes me a nicer person.

So there you have it. Three key changes that happened to me. Will I plunge back into the fray with another startup? Maybe. As usual, it is a matter of right team, right idea and right timing. And it may not be an internet business. Will it be this year? I am letting things happen and will go along with it as events develop. My second kid has PSLE this year, my youngest is very cute (to me) at just 6 months and I have not even done much traveling due to recent family events and the new baby.

Making enough to retire at 35?

Wow! This is like reading a letter from myself written 7 years ago. How things have changed :

1)I did that half marathon. In fact, i did a full marathon the year after. Felt great to complete the marathon. Definitely one of the more memorable experiences in my life.

 2) I was 1 year late. I sold my company in 2011 age 36. And yes, i collected enough immediately to have an option to retire at my standard of living. But of course, i did not retire and am still happily running the company i founded.

3) I failed totally in being less competitive. In fact, from 2006 to 2010 was my most competitive period of life. I would compare myself obsessively with other people in terms of achievements. I think that is what spurs me on. Today? I am somewhere inbetween. Still very competitive but now i try to compete on being happy and not just numbers.

4) Trip. I made many in these 7 years. Some with kids, some without. I am very blessed. been to Bhutan, Europe x 3 times, China x 3 times, Japan x 2 times, USA x 2 times, Phuket/bali/koh samui many many times etc

So do i feel i am an entrepreneur? It is a definite yes! Because I cannot imagine not running and owning a company if i am to work long term till i am in 50s. I may take breaks, I may do a corporate stint for couple of years but i will always be involved in startup scene as investor/director/advisor etc. Now i realize that entrepreneurship is part of life, it is not everything but it is very important to me. Only things more important is my family , wife, kids and mental/physical health.

===================================================================== (Article first appeared on sgentrepreneurs - July 2006)

Recently, it seems that God is trying to tell me something. I was a speaker and career panelist for Confluence 06 (for overseas students to speak to Teo Chee Hian and others) and had to speak to 200+ undergraduates on my experience in business and my aspirations. My company is helping EDB with a web site called Aspirations which is focused on providing career information to students. In both, the word “Aspirations” kept hitting me and got me thinking about what I wanted to do in life. I think most people would agree with me that we do not want to settle for a life less than exciting.

As entrepreneurs, people sometimes think that all we want to do is grow our business. For me personally, that is definitely not true by now. In fact, I see my “aspiration” as one whereby I am challenged daily but in a way that is not just mental but also physical and spiritual. And yet at the same time, I do not want to always be challenged. Sometimes, I just want to kick back, chill out and play with my kids, wife or just laze. Other times, I am so inspired by nature, I want to scuba dive the pacific islands or walk the appalachian trails. I wonder how other entreprenuers who are above 40 can plug away at the same task for a lifetime. Sheer one-dimensional passion? Lack of imagination of another type of life? What is the motivating factor that drives and more importantly satisfies? I examine some that I know thrill me.

 Intellectual challenge.

This has always been fun for me. Whether it is the satisfaction of thinking of good work flow, business model, sales pitch etc. But when I compare it to the intellectual completeness of academic thought and the wit and beauty of literary and philosophical thought, then the intellectual challenge of running a business is so much more limited in scope and untidy. Physical challenge. There is an intrinsic beauty to being fit and being physically energized and challenged. I used to windsurf a lot and scuba dive. I still do a little but I think running your own business kind of occupies so much time that there is no time for the quietness that I used to enjoy with such sports.

Spiritual Challenge.

Entreprenuership fails even more on this count. To me to play the game of running a company is to play the game of capitalism. So it is always cost benefit in the long term that matters. And frankly there is little spiritual about commerce and money. So where do I go from here? As usual, the tedium of life will drag us down and remind us of the responsibilities we have to clients, staff and family. That is why subconsciously, I have always known I am not a true entreprenuer. I am like a pretend person, performing the role adequately but always aspiring for a deeper life. I know all about enjoying the journey while getting to the goals but it is tough to always focus when it is a fact that life as a business person is quite demanding in terms of time and energy.

Some key stuff I aspire for that will alleviate this sense of “ennui” or boredom/emptiness.

Run a half marathon (full is too much for me).

Make enough money to have option to quit by 35.
Be less competitive and not benchmark material acqusitions to much with others.
Need to sneak a trip (without kids) to some nature haven. Nepal? Tibet? …

Well.. this is the inner musing of an entrepreneur. I believe man are quite common in this respect. Some can articulate their inner thoughts, others cannot. But I would love to hear from others how each deals with this essential question.